Wedding Dresses, Husbands, and Work

An entry I found saved as a "draft" from a few months ago….

Today I watched my youngest sister-in-law try on her wedding dress.  She was gorgeous and beaming in bridal beauty.  We fussed over the details of the dress, tried on lots of bridesmaids dresses (and ended up with one that doesn't look "bridesmaidy" at all).  In this situation, every married woman probably flashes back to the day she picked out her own wedding gown.  Whether it was a sundress pulled from the back of our closet or a designer creation, we had a feeling - "This is it." For some of us, it was a confident declaration, and for others of us, it sounded more like, "This is it.  I think.  Right?"

If we were to be completely honest, choosing a husband is no different.  Some of us are confidently sure that he is THE ONE.  While others (a fewer camp, I'm sure) would say, "Honestly, I had a few questions in my mind…"

During all of the preparations that led up to my wedding, people said things like, "Marriage is work,"
 and, "You have to be willing to put in more that you will get in return."  I thought they were crazy, jaded wives who had clearly lost touch of the romance and butterflies that I would surely ALWAYS feel.

But, those old married women?  Yeah.  They were telling the truth.  Marriage is work.  Not work in the sense that your back will be sore, but work in the sense that your mind and heart and soul will be sore at times.

But, for the right one, it's all worth it.  

A Woman's Never-ending Battle

So, I wrote this a year ago, and I'm still not sure I have the answers….I guess it's a never-ending battle. 

May 14th, 2013

I like this font.  I never use it, but it reminds me of the “good ole days” for some reason.  Maybe that’s because it’s called typewriter and I equate typewriters with the days when women were stay-at-home moms and if they ventured out of the house, it was to be some man’s secretary.

I know what I am about to say is very controversial, but it’s where I am in my life right now.  I used to think women could do it all – be a great wife, mother, friend, family member, and have a high-powered career too.  That was before I became a mom of two young girls.  That was BEFORE I stopped lying to myself.  In reality, Ann Taylor suits DO NOT contain super-power threads that enable working moms to do everything well, even though Kate Hudson makes it look that way.

Now I think “having it all” robs you of your sanity.  Women today are TIRED.  We are crying out for purpose and, well, sleep. 

As a full-time, working mom, I feel like my life is defined by one word – hurry.  Hurry and get everyone out of the door on time.  Hurry to make it past the railroad tracks before that stupid train comes through (seriously – there isn’t a better time for a train then 7:16 am when the world is scrambling to get to work?  I mean, have some courtesy!).  Hurry to go to the bathroom before the bell rings (I’m a teacher).  Hurry to get dinner on the table before soccer.  Hurry to get in the tub after soccer because 9:00 bedtime  = bitchy kid in the morning.  Then Whew – lie down and do it all over again.

Where is the time to linger?  To reflect?  To grow?  As a woman, we’d like to think that the bulk of the child-rearing doesn’t fall on us – that’s it’s a team effort, but come on.  Have you ever seen this 50/50 crap done successfully?  Could it be that by trying to have it all, we really don’t have anything? Okay – that’s a harsh statement, but what I mean is, we are so divided that maybe the sum of the parts doesn’t equal a full, content life.

I think we are caught between decades, trying to figure out if a “balance” exists.  We don’t want to kick it all the way back to the 40s and 50s where in order to be heard, we had to speak through our men, yet this year-2000s pace is tiring us out. 

So, what’s the answer?  I have no frickin’ idea.  Don’t have kids if you want a career?  Don’t have a career if you want kids?  Both seem so….so….anti-something. 

Then, to top it all off, our greatest calling is to be disciples.  That’s our real purpose on Earth.  Because this life as we know it is here today, gone tomorrow.  Maybe we need to have an eternal perspective first, then fit in the earthly stuff.  What does that look like?  I’m not sure.  Probably different for everyone.  That’s the sucky part.  There is no clear pattern that women “should” follow.  Follow our guts, I guess, and live life so that in ten years, we won’t look back on this decade of our lives wishing we could go back and change our priorities.