Dear Annessa,
I love you so much it hurts. You have become a girl overnight (how did that happen??). Gone is the toddler that used to climb on everything and dance in the yard wearing last year's halloween costume. Any trace of baby, toddler, even preschooler is gone. Now you do things that girls do. You do wonderful, delightful things like teach your little sister animal sounds and write in your diary. You laugh and sing and dream about meeting Katy Perry.
You roll your eyes. You look at me like I am crazy. You have even written me a note that, dare I admit it, says, "I hate you" - only to crumple it up minutes later and tell me you didn't mean it. But still. That's what I remember doing when I was a little girl. I was so jealous of my cousin's relationship with La-La that I wrote little "I hate you" notes to my aunt and left them all over La-La's house (they were living with La-La at the time). Of course I didn't really hate them, but when you are little, sometimes the gray area feelings that have nothing to do with anyone but how you feel about yourself are hard to describe.
Anyway…..This girl stuff scares me. It's true what "they" say about parenting getting harder as your kids get older. You are becoming your own person. So wonderful. So smart. So individual. And so mine. I feel like Daddy and I are the guardians of your heart right now. Our words have the power to build you up or tear you down. In large part, your sense of self comes from how we are choosing to raise and parent you right now. And to be honest, that scares the (shit) out of me.
So, my prayer for you in this new year actually has nothing (yet everything) to do with you. I pray that Daddy and I will "show up" for you every day. That we will hear God when He tells us how to respond to your tears, your anger, your sadness and your joy. He knows your heart the best. My prayer is that we build you up with our words and actions. That we are worthy examples of how to live in a Godly way.
Being a girl is scary. There are lots of people out there saying you need more of this, less of that, bigger this or smaller that. But, if we can show up for you everyday, then maybe you will discover that you are enough.
You always were enough and you always will be enough.
I love you so much it hurts. You have become a girl overnight (how did that happen??). Gone is the toddler that used to climb on everything and dance in the yard wearing last year's halloween costume. Any trace of baby, toddler, even preschooler is gone. Now you do things that girls do. You do wonderful, delightful things like teach your little sister animal sounds and write in your diary. You laugh and sing and dream about meeting Katy Perry.
You roll your eyes. You look at me like I am crazy. You have even written me a note that, dare I admit it, says, "I hate you" - only to crumple it up minutes later and tell me you didn't mean it. But still. That's what I remember doing when I was a little girl. I was so jealous of my cousin's relationship with La-La that I wrote little "I hate you" notes to my aunt and left them all over La-La's house (they were living with La-La at the time). Of course I didn't really hate them, but when you are little, sometimes the gray area feelings that have nothing to do with anyone but how you feel about yourself are hard to describe.
Anyway…..This girl stuff scares me. It's true what "they" say about parenting getting harder as your kids get older. You are becoming your own person. So wonderful. So smart. So individual. And so mine. I feel like Daddy and I are the guardians of your heart right now. Our words have the power to build you up or tear you down. In large part, your sense of self comes from how we are choosing to raise and parent you right now. And to be honest, that scares the (shit) out of me.
So, my prayer for you in this new year actually has nothing (yet everything) to do with you. I pray that Daddy and I will "show up" for you every day. That we will hear God when He tells us how to respond to your tears, your anger, your sadness and your joy. He knows your heart the best. My prayer is that we build you up with our words and actions. That we are worthy examples of how to live in a Godly way.
Being a girl is scary. There are lots of people out there saying you need more of this, less of that, bigger this or smaller that. But, if we can show up for you everyday, then maybe you will discover that you are enough.
You always were enough and you always will be enough.
