Friendli-NESS

Annessa is the most friendly person I know. Today we were in line at our church's "Streets of Bethlehem," and she struck up a conversation with another little girl who was about 2 years older than Annessa:

Annessa: Hi girl!

Girl: Hi?

Annessa: I got seven (showing her the gold coins we were given to pay "Cesar."

Girl: No, you have two.

Annessa: I have seven.

Girl: (being very patient) No. You have 2 coins. I have six.

Annessa: Here Girl (giving her coins to the girl). I go see Jesus. You go see Jesus, Girl?

Girl: Yep - you can keep your coins. I have enough.

It is so fascinating to me to watch her have "conversations" with other people. To think that she can actually communicate with people is so amazing to me. Wasn't it just yesterday that she was saying her first word?

And, p.s., how cool is it that these too little girls were so unselfish - Annessa wanting to share her gold coins, and the little girl realizing she had enough. It's the little things that remind us what Christams is all about.

Waiting

Can there be joy while you're waiting?

Rich and I have been trying to have another baby for some time now. It is turning out to be more difficult than the first time (and the first time wasn't a walk in the park). In fact, we were just told that the next step is to do an IUI. The lining of my uterus is low, very low. They are telling me that the egg is probably getting fertilized each month, but either is unable to implant, or it implants, and then miscarries (all the while I think I'm getting a late "visit" from "Aunt Flow"). For a person who believes that live happens at the time of conception, that was tough news to swallow.

Long story short, we need to take this month "off" - no drugs, no shots, no ultrasounds, no nothing. Just wait. Wait to try again, wait to pee on a stick (or ten), wait to see if there is one line or two....wait. Do I even know how to step back into the "normal" world right now when I am so used to going through these "mini-grieving" cycles each month?

Yesterday I was so disappointed - it starts to become a quest in a way. And I was told by the powers-that-be that my body needed a rest. My head was screaming no, but in my heart, I knew it was for the best.

So, now I will wait. But while I wait, I will be focusing on the two people I love most in this world - Rich and Annessa. How can I be sad during my baby's first Christams (okay, so it's technically her third Christmas, but this one she actually knows what Santa says and she knows about baby Jesus). How can I be sad when this is the month that marks the Biggest Gift I have ever received? How can I be sad when Rich is so excited to give me the present we swore we we not doing this year?

No, saddness is out - joy is in. And someday, I will look back on this and it will all make sense.

Writing

So, a big part of my life is spent teaching kids how to write. Teaching them to write with authority and voice, style, and skill. Teaching them that their words matter. You can imagine my excitement when Annessa "wrote" her first words last night.

As a matter of fact, I don't know which I was more excited about: Annessa's first SPOKEN word or her first WRITTEN word.

Here's how it went down:

A: Mama, I write (takes the marker that is laying on the counter and grips it with her fingers)
Me: Okay, what are you going to write? A story?
A: fabet (alphabet) A....B....C... (making distinct lines for each letter)
Me: holding my breath
A: Mama....Daddy....(making more lines)
Me: Wow, that is so smart of you! You're writing letters and words. Should we write some more? How about Gus?
A: I all done (drops the marker and trots off to her toy box)

Quiet

(Pictures from Little Farmer)

It's funny how much life changes after you are a parent. It's not like life was boring or unfulfilling before. I loved life. Just Rich and I, hanging out, going out to dinner (having a few drinks at the bar before our meal, cuz what the heck? We got all night...). Reading a great book on a Saturday. Spending extra time at work, not because I had to, but because I wanted to. In fact, I remember being so happy that a tiny part of me was afraid to become a mom. I wondered if I was too selfish to hack it.

I'm thinking about life before motherhood tonight only because I am home alone. No husband. No kid. Just me. Just me and the Quiet. I realize now that Rich and I can still have a few glasses of wine (now it's just after our carry-out dinner) I can still read whenever I want (our favorite characters are Dora and Boots). And now I make use of every minute at work so I can hurry home to my little girl.

I think God has me all alone for a reason this weekend. Sure, I got my hair done, I'll grocery shop in peace tomorrow, and I'll spend a night out with the girls, but I can hear Him whispering in my ear. I know when they come back on Sunday, the toys will resume their normal positions on my carpet, the news will be switched to cartoons, and I will have to hide the Halloween candy I've been munching on unless I want a sugar-high toddler/monster on my hands. I will miss the quiet. But I will love the noise more.

*****************************************************

Last night Rich brought Annessa into bed with us. She had been sound asleep in her room and he scooped her out of her bed and carefully laid down our sleeping girl. I snuggled close and could smell the fresh scent of baby lotion. Her little foot fit perfectly in my hand. Her soft snores filled my ears as I thought about how everything that really mattered in my life was in this bed.

(Little did I know that an hour later, Rich put her back into her own bed. Apparently, she was kicking and twisting and MOVING and kicking and MOVING so much that Rich couldn't stand it anymore. Ahh....the dreamy benefits of being a sound sleeper...)

Dear Annessa

Dear Annessa,

There is nothing I love more than being your mom. Nothing. I wish I could explain to you how happy you make me. You put everything into perspective - work, family, every little stress seems so little when I am focused on you.

Tonight we read Olivia in bed - you had the little Olivia finger puppet and I had the mama one. You laughed and giggled as we made our fingers dance to the rhythm of the words. I knew right then that this was the best part of my day. I looked at you extra hard, listened extra hard. Trying to bottle the memory in my mind.

The beauty of being a mom is in the little things - reading to you, seeing you make a new friend, listening to you rattle off the people you know in your prayers...These are the moments I live for. The moments I treasure. Thank you for giving my life depth.

I love you.
Mama

Never Underestimate the Speed of a Two-Year-Old...

"I just need to find some cheap play shirts," I said to myself as I pushed the cart into the toddler section. I looked at Annessa - the popcorn from "Resturante de Targete" was working. She was munching happily in the big bin of the cart. I turned to find her size "I better get a 3-T" I thought comparing the shirt to the 2-T. "Man she is getting big."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a leg swing over the edge of the cart. "What the...." I turned to look - "You've GOT to be KIDDING me!" My monkey - oops - I mean my daughter had successfully climbed out of the shopping cart and was now bolting to the home goods section.

Not wanting to make a scene (after all, I saw someone from work there as I was walking in), I did a fast-paced walk, trying to catch up to her. "Oh no - she's headed towards the vase isle! Screw it!" My legs sprinted down the isle, unable to keep up with this speed demon. Thank God she ran past the glass and was headed toward the comforters. Bam! She threw her body into a "bed in a bag" set. She looked up at me a laughed.

"Mama, fun!"

"Yeah - a blast...."

25 Random Things About Annessa

She...

1. has a thing for animals
2. loves bubble baths (already!)
3. locked herself in my truck today
4. reads herself to sleep
5. loves mama and daddy's "big bed"
6. says "hi" to anyone she sees
7. loves fruit
8. climbs on EVERYTHING
9. would swing all day
10. wants to go outside the minute she wakes up
11. chases Gus around the house
12. has a new-found love of chocolate milk
13. knows all of her letters and sounds (I am particularlly proud of this!)
14. has a tough time pronouncing the hard /c/ sound
15. loves diggers and dump trucks
16. giggles when she plays hide 'n seek
17. lists off all the people she knows when she prays at night
18. loves to dance - especially when mama and daddy dance with her
19. is trying to break the world record for "the most times anyone can say 'I want' in a day"
20. sleeps with 3 blankets, as many stuffed animals as possible, a few bath toys and two bins of books
21. knows what the "golden arches" mean...french fries
22. has a carefree spirit
23. is not afraid to take risks
24. has the prettiest brown eyes I've ever seen
25. is the best thing that has ever happened to us

A Child's Voice

Annessa and Aunt Jenni at Jen and Dan's wedding (This picture has nothing to do with the post, but I thought it was darn cute, so what the heck!)

So when does a baby's voice turn into a child's voice? Somehow, my babbling little baby now has the voice of a little kid. Today I came home from school and heard, "Hi, Mama!" in this cute, sweet, soft voice. I have to say that it melted my heart. I should have listened to my friend, Kathy (who is always right!), when she said I should tape record or video tape her babbling. At the time, it seemed like she would babble forever - putting strings of sounds together, her little voice going up and down as Rich and I said silly things like "No way!" "Gus did that?" "Then what happened..."



Now, she is suddenly making sense. Like she can actually communicate. When did this happen?? Part of me misses my baby, but an even bigger part of me loves hearing her say, "Hi, Mama!" when I open the door (maybe I should tape record that....).

Farewell Summer

(Up north with the girls)

Goodbye:
Mornings at the park
Tuesday visits with "La-La" (great-grandma)
Sunscreen
Trips with friends up north
Swimming, swimming, and more swimming
Fort-building on rainy days
Bumming at Target
Afternoons on the swing set

Hello to:
Jumping in piles of leaves
Fall nature walks
Dressing up for Halloween
Apple picking
Monster cookies
New memories....New milestones.....New possibilities...

(Memorial Park)

Beautiful Snippets of Life

I was laying in the grass, looking at the clouds that were heavy with rain when I felt her snuggle next to me. "Mama, clouds. Rain."

"You're right - it's gonna rain. Do you see how gray the clouds are?" She laid still just long enough for me to look over at her and know that there is nothing in the world I would rather be doing than this.

(And then there was a hitting episode, which resulted in a timeout, which resulted in this sad face. Back to reality.)

"She cracks me up!"

So I take Annessa to Bay Beach today and we meet my friend Raessa there (who, by the way, is pregnant with her 3rd baby) and her 2 boys. Let me say right off the bat that Raessa's boys are angels....saints....they actually stay put when you set them places! I think Annessa is an angel too - just a different type of angel. Anyway, it was a great day full of "Annessa-isms." This bit of conversation sums it all up:

Raessa: She cracks me up!
Me: Yeah, try living with her...

Annessa, if you ever read this please know that mommy and daddy love you to pieces. We could not ask for a better daughter than you. Just go easy on us as a teenager...Please?

"Mom, I love this horse! Do you think I can make it go faster?"

"I love this yellow bug!"

Ayden: What is she doing?

Big

She was peeking up at me with her big brown eyes. Dimples flashing, even bouncing a little as she knelt on the kitchen stool - elbows on the counter - chin in her hands.

As I waited for my mom to answer the phone, I looked across the counter at my daughter. Really looked. I saw her long legs. When did they get so long? Her hands - weren't they miniature yesterday?

Waiting for my mom to answer the phone, I felt a strange, three-generational pull. I found myself fast forwarding to the day when SHE would be the one waiting for ME to answer the phone.

Will we have the kind of friendship my mom and I have? Will she have a little girl looking up at her - watching her every move? I hope so because nothing is more fulfilling than nurturing the relationship between a mother and her child.

Gus

My poor dog... Gus was our baby before we had a baby. He taught us how to be parents - how to be responsible. From Gus, we learned that you can't just take off for the weekend - you have to call Kim and TJ and "make arrangments." We learned how to potty train (hmmm...than why wasn't I successful this time around??), we figured out how to make him obedient (okay, okay, just checking to see if you were still with me!) and we even practiced our swaddling techniques on him.

Life through Gus's eyes is pretty boring right now. Eat, sleep, sleep some more, ring the bell, ring the bell, ring it again, "Damnit, these people are deaf!", beg for table scraps, avoid that short one, sleep, sleep, sleep.

So, I decided from now on, I would try to spice up Gus's life. How? Maybe a game of fetch or tug-of-war. Maybe a walk around the block. After all, did you see what he puts up with!

Odds 'n Ends

1. Potty Training Update: didn't work. Suggestions welcome.

2. If anyone is out there reading this, please, please, please leave a comment. Just click on the red link on the bottom of every post- the one that says 0 Comments. I am trying to prove Rich wrong (he thinks no one reads this) (and it's okay if no one does, I'm not hurt...much...after all, this is a self-indulgent journal all about my family - I know you have busy lives.)

3. I miss Rich.

4. That is why I am officially addicted to Face book this week.

Friends

Celebrating the big 3-0 with some college friends in my favorite city, NYC

I have great friends. I mean REALLY great friends. From my college friends to my "work" friends to the wives of Rich's friends (who are now my friends) to family members who have become friends - they are all so important to me.

My friends remind me of who I am. They help me shed all of the things I think I SHOULD be. They take me back to the crazy girl that used to dance the night away. They make me laugh until my smile hurts and I say to myself, "I hope this never ends." They push me to be a better version of myself. A better wife, mother, teacher, woman.

"Good night"

Rich is in Canada for his biannual fishing trip with my dad, brother Dustin, and our soon-to-be brother in-law Dan. You should have seen his face as he was packing up the truck. I haven't seen him that excited since.....The last Canada trip. Rich has been gone for weeks at a time for work, but this is different. I can't talk to him. There is no cell reception where he is. Whenever he travels for work, we always call each other to say "good morning" and "good night." Annessa and I get into our routine and actually, the weeks that he is gone go by pretty fast. But last night, I had a hard time falling asleep. I think it was because I didn't get to say "good night" to my best friend.

Why is it that when Rich is here every day, I take him for granted? Why is it that as he was leaving, I found the need to start a fight with him? Actually, I can answer that: It's much easier to say goodbye to someone when you are slightly annoyed with him or her.

Anyway, I will be saying lots of prayers this week that Rich has a great time with the guys and that they do some "male bonding." That they get home safely and have lots of stories to tell (which, if you know my husband, this is a given). I will also be praising God for a marriage I love.

House Arrest

Come on mom - it's so much easier to go in my diaper! Plus I'm missing Dora!

After much prompting from my mom and husband, I decided to start the whole potty training thing. Man - it's hard! I have a brand new appreciation for my mom, that's for sure! I started by getting information from the web (like any good, modern mom would do...) After checking out the "Dr. Phil" method, the "Potty-train-in-a-day" method and various other gimmicky methods, I finally got smart and consulted my neighbor.

Gretchen: You have to let her run around naked for a few days.

Me: (brow crinkling) Seriously?

Gretchen: Yep - she'll feel the pee trickle down her leg and she won't like it.

Me: (deep breath) So this is the "Naked/$100" method?

Gretchen: $100 method?

Me: Yeah, that's what my Stanley Steamer bill will be when this is all over.


So far I think I am the only one who is trained. Every 20 minutes, we trot to the potty. Sometimes she goes, sometimes she doesn't. I am waiting for the day when SHE initiates the potty trot. I promised myself that I would give it one good week - no going out, no parks, no pools, no shopping. Just potty training. Thus, the title for this entry: House Arrest. Oops, better go - there's the timer (has it been 20 minutes already??).

Suntanning, Meltdowns, "Happy Daddy" and More...

Happy Birthday Rich! Or, as Annessa says, "Happy Daddy!"

Seriously???

# 1 Goof-ball

"Daddy, this ice cream is yummy!"

So we went on our first official "Steif Family Vacation." Let's just say it was interesting. We took Ness to Door County (note to self: not the most "toddler-friendly" place in the world). Rich really wanted to try out our mountain bikes at Peninsula State Park. So, we packed up the truck with all our gear (and a lot of fruit snacks to keep Annessa happy) and away we went.

We had two "major mental meltdowns" as Rich likes to call them - one because I wouldn't give Annessa her 30 millionth cup of "apple-juuuuu mama Iwaaaannn apppple-juuuu" (that's I want apple juice, in case you don't speak toddler). Luckily they both happened in the hotel room. Needless to say we felt like we were walking on thin ice the rest of the trip.

"Autumn, is she gonna do this in, you know, public?"

"Umm...maybe..."

After biking, we went to the beach. Here is a snippet of conversation I had with my soon-to-be-two-year-old:

Her: (looking at high school girls laying out) Mama (pointing) nii-nii (translation: sleeping)

Me: No, honey, they are laying out (like she would even get that, but whatever...)

Her: Nii-nii mama (going over to one of their blankets and laying down - full of sand I might add)

Me: Rich - look! (grabbing the camera)

Her: Mama, hugh-shhhhh, hugh-shhhh (translation: snoring sounds)

Man, this kid cracks me up!

Our Little Firecracker!

Sitting on Mummie and Papa dock holding one of the flags we gave to our wedding guests to wave outside the church (we were married on Flag Day)

Dancing to the band's music - she was their biggest fan!

We celebrated the 4th at my parents' house. All of the neighbors on the channel came for a band and a pig roast. We danced and danced- it felt like old times. I was sore the next day (I guess that's what 30 does to a girl!). I think Annessa had the most fun of anyone. The minute the band started warming up, she was out there "shaking her tail feather" (watch out Jenni - you're wedding is next!) She does this funny hop step and shakes her arm (just like mama in college....). She is our little firecracker, that's for sure. I think the only other person who had as much fun as Ness was Papa (tractor, tractor, tractor, plant the crops....) Let's just say that impromptu singing to a polka is not his forte!

Ready...Set...GO!!!

Lately I've been thinking about how fast Annessa is growing (she will be TWO at the end of August) and what a crazy personality she has. To be specific, one of the books I read (Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers) describes her personality as "spirited."

"Our most active toddler, she's very physical, often willful, and my be prone to temper tantrums (What? My child? Temper tantrums?) She is very social and curious...She is the consummate adventurer; she will have a go at anything and is very determined. She can be a leader and become very accomplished in whatever interests her." - Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers

Ummm...Yeah...That pretty much describes our Nessa. God gave her such a personality, that's for sure!