Dear Annessa,

Now that you're four, and there are a lot of things you know - how to ride your bike, how to operate an ipad better than Mama (pure craziness), and how to snap your fingers (just to name a few).  But there are some things you don't know:


You don't know that a year ago today, all three of our lives were changed forever.  Uncle Dan called me right after I put you to bed to tell me that Daddy had been in a horrible accident. Kathy came a picked you up and took you back to a wedding see and her family were at.  You danced on the dance floor in you pjs as Daddy fought for his life.  He fought to come back to us. 

You don't know how just you being you got me through the worst moments of my life.  How I would watch you sleep and pray that you would come through this okay too.  You probably don't remember tap dancing in the ICU or  the time you wore your Minnie costume all over the hospital - making everyone smile.  You might not remember practicing your letters in the waiting room or all of the stuffed animals, treats, and toys people dropped off for you to help pass the time. 

But mostly, what you don't know, and that I hope someday you will comprehend, is that you are the reason Daddy and I kept going and continue to keep going.  We love you so much that there just are no words.

Sometimes I wonder what you'll remember.  Will you remember how when Daddy finally heard your voice after so long that he reached out to give you a hug with tears dripping off the corners of his eyes as he lay in the hospital bed?  Will you remember the tube with the "milk shake" in it that fed Daddy?  Will you hear the soft beeping of a hospital monitor and will it bring back memories of your childhood?
I want you to know that you are so loved, and all you have to do is be you.  Wonderful, curious, energetic, sweet you. 

There were so many people I wanted to write to today - Daddy's doctors, the flight nurses, our dear friends and family who supported us in so many ways.  And maybe one of these days I will sit down and write to each of them (Lord knows I have written to them in my mind a hundred times over), but today, I wanted to write to you.

I want you to know that just you being you has made all the difference.

Love you to the moon and back,
                 Mama