So - I'll just say it - I'm pregnant. Pregnant! Pregnant? Pregnant. At some point I will write all about Annessa predicting it, the crazy way I found out, and what I REALLY think about this baby. But right now, all I can say is that I'm holding it at arm's length. Which is so unlike me.
I was talking to my mom about this yesterday (about the whole, "Yes, I'm pregnant, but let's just stop ourselves from talking names and nursery colors). This whole attitude of caution is SOOO different than with Annessa. With her, the thought of miscarriage never even crossed my mind. Never. But now....I am all too aware of bad things happening to good people.
When I was explaining this fear to my mom, she said something that made total sense (as usual...). "Maybe you're just protecting yourself. Like you had to do when you didn't know if Rich was going to live or die."
Yep - that's it. That's exactly how I feel. Cautious. Unsure. Preparing (for either possibility).
The truth of the matter is that The Accident changed me. It's made me aware that no one is immune to the evils that this world brings. There is a part of me that is just waiting for the other shoe to drop because that would just be par for the course. Maybe that sounds negative, but don't judge until you've been there. That's totally how it feels.
So, for now, I will hold onto that heartbeat that Rich and I heard, and try to get through the next two weeks until we can hear the heartbeat again. I really am excited. Just not naive.
I was talking to my mom about this yesterday (about the whole, "Yes, I'm pregnant, but let's just stop ourselves from talking names and nursery colors). This whole attitude of caution is SOOO different than with Annessa. With her, the thought of miscarriage never even crossed my mind. Never. But now....I am all too aware of bad things happening to good people.
When I was explaining this fear to my mom, she said something that made total sense (as usual...). "Maybe you're just protecting yourself. Like you had to do when you didn't know if Rich was going to live or die."
Yep - that's it. That's exactly how I feel. Cautious. Unsure. Preparing (for either possibility).
The truth of the matter is that The Accident changed me. It's made me aware that no one is immune to the evils that this world brings. There is a part of me that is just waiting for the other shoe to drop because that would just be par for the course. Maybe that sounds negative, but don't judge until you've been there. That's totally how it feels.
So, for now, I will hold onto that heartbeat that Rich and I heard, and try to get through the next two weeks until we can hear the heartbeat again. I really am excited. Just not naive.
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