My baby is two months old today. Two months. My maternity leave will be ending soon and as I compare it to Annessa's, it's 180 degrees different.
With Annessa I was unsure about my ability to be a mom (unsure is putting it lightly). My need to do it "perfectly" stood in the way of bonding with my newborn. I remember doing silly things like sticking a thermomitor into her bath water to make sure it was the exact degree that the all-mighty internet told me it should be. I ran a tight ship - all feedings were exactly 3 hours apart; then 4 hours apart. There was a lot of bouncing and pacifying to achieve this perfect schedule. This schedule was my pathway to sleeping through the night - nothing - not even a trip to the mall would cause me to veer from these internet-ordained feeding times. Good bedtime habits start early, you know. Ha! I wish my 27 year old self could see my first daughter's bedtime habits now -- she would be mortified.
But this time....this time is sooo much different. I feel more confident (ironic how feeling more confident as a mom means KNOWING that you will screw up and being okay with that). There was no insecurity that stood in the way of bonding with Elaina. I finally understand it when people say, "I feel in love with her the moment I saw her." Now, this isn't to say that I didn't feel love for Annessa right away -- I did. It's just that the "Holy-shit-I'm-a-mom" factor clouded all that love until I got my head out of my a$$. As a dear friend advised, I started to take my cues from my baby instead of baby books written by people I didn't know about babies that were off in some far away land living perfect little baby lives. Come to think of it, I have know idea where those baby books I read so religiously the first time are at the moment....
The first time around, I felt like I was playing the part of being a mom. Washing the bottles, changing diapers, giving baths, and, oh yeah, dressing her up like she was my little doll. I'm not sure when the role-plahying stopped and I settled into my new title of mom, but I think it was somewhere around her first smile....I remember that moment so vividly (which is a triumph for me as Rich would tell you that I have the memory of a goldfish). She had me at the smile.
With Elaina, our lives were already altered. She slipped right into our Friday nights at home. Our family bed (I know, I know...NOT what I planned, but it is what it is. Refer to earlier posts for very rational explanations of why this thing I said I would "NEVER do" happened. Next thing you know I will be rollin' around town in a people carrier.)
This time around, I even love her cry. I know, pathetic, but true. And you know what I love the most? Seeing my two greatest accomplishments love each other.
With Annessa I was unsure about my ability to be a mom (unsure is putting it lightly). My need to do it "perfectly" stood in the way of bonding with my newborn. I remember doing silly things like sticking a thermomitor into her bath water to make sure it was the exact degree that the all-mighty internet told me it should be. I ran a tight ship - all feedings were exactly 3 hours apart; then 4 hours apart. There was a lot of bouncing and pacifying to achieve this perfect schedule. This schedule was my pathway to sleeping through the night - nothing - not even a trip to the mall would cause me to veer from these internet-ordained feeding times. Good bedtime habits start early, you know. Ha! I wish my 27 year old self could see my first daughter's bedtime habits now -- she would be mortified.
But this time....this time is sooo much different. I feel more confident (ironic how feeling more confident as a mom means KNOWING that you will screw up and being okay with that). There was no insecurity that stood in the way of bonding with Elaina. I finally understand it when people say, "I feel in love with her the moment I saw her." Now, this isn't to say that I didn't feel love for Annessa right away -- I did. It's just that the "Holy-shit-I'm-a-mom" factor clouded all that love until I got my head out of my a$$. As a dear friend advised, I started to take my cues from my baby instead of baby books written by people I didn't know about babies that were off in some far away land living perfect little baby lives. Come to think of it, I have know idea where those baby books I read so religiously the first time are at the moment....
The first time around, I felt like I was playing the part of being a mom. Washing the bottles, changing diapers, giving baths, and, oh yeah, dressing her up like she was my little doll. I'm not sure when the role-plahying stopped and I settled into my new title of mom, but I think it was somewhere around her first smile....I remember that moment so vividly (which is a triumph for me as Rich would tell you that I have the memory of a goldfish). She had me at the smile.
With Elaina, our lives were already altered. She slipped right into our Friday nights at home. Our family bed (I know, I know...NOT what I planned, but it is what it is. Refer to earlier posts for very rational explanations of why this thing I said I would "NEVER do" happened. Next thing you know I will be rollin' around town in a people carrier.)
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