So, I wrote this a year ago, and I'm still not sure I have the answers….I guess it's a never-ending battle.
May 14th, 2013
I like this
font. I never use it, but it reminds me
of the “good ole days” for some reason.
Maybe that’s because it’s called typewriter and I equate typewriters
with the days when women were stay-at-home moms and if they ventured out of the
house, it was to be some man’s secretary.
I know what
I am about to say is very controversial, but it’s where I am in my life right
now. I used to think women could do it
all – be a great wife, mother, friend, family member, and have a high-powered
career too. That was before I became a
mom of two young girls. That was BEFORE
I stopped lying to myself. In reality,
Ann Taylor suits DO NOT contain super-power threads that enable working moms to
do everything well, even though Kate Hudson makes it look that way.
Now I think
“having it all” robs you of your sanity.
Women today are TIRED. We are
crying out for purpose and, well, sleep.
As a
full-time, working mom, I feel like my life is defined by one word – hurry. Hurry
and get everyone out of the door on time.
Hurry to make it past
the railroad tracks before that stupid train comes through (seriously – there
isn’t a better time for a train then 7:16 am when the world is scrambling to
get to work? I mean, have some
courtesy!). Hurry to go to the bathroom before the bell rings (I’m a
teacher). Hurry to get dinner on the table before soccer. Hurry
to get in the tub after soccer because 9:00 bedtime = bitchy kid in the morning. Then Whew
– lie down and do it all over again.
Where is the
time to linger? To reflect? To grow?
As a woman, we’d like to think that the bulk of the child-rearing
doesn’t fall on us – that’s it’s a team effort, but come on. Have you ever seen this 50/50 crap done
successfully? Could it be that by trying
to have it all, we really don’t have anything? Okay – that’s a harsh statement,
but what I mean is, we are so divided that maybe the sum of the parts doesn’t
equal a full, content life.
I think we
are caught between decades, trying to figure out if a “balance” exists. We don’t want to kick it all the way back to
the 40s and 50s where in order to be heard, we had to speak through our men, yet
this year-2000s pace is tiring us out.
So, what’s
the answer? I have no frickin’
idea. Don’t have kids if you want a
career? Don’t have a career if you want
kids? Both seem
so….so….anti-something.
Then, to top
it all off, our greatest calling is to be disciples. That’s our real purpose on Earth. Because this life as we know it is here
today, gone tomorrow. Maybe we need to
have an eternal perspective first, then fit in the earthly stuff. What does that look like? I’m not sure.
Probably different for everyone.
That’s the sucky part. There is
no clear pattern that women “should” follow.
Follow our guts, I guess, and live life so that in ten years, we won’t look
back on this decade of our lives wishing we could go back and change our
priorities.
Autumn, I am so glad I came across your blog. My daughter, who is soon to be 30, and in a month a mother or two pleads this very case with me over and over and all I can say is, men will never do as much as a woman when it comes to parenting and running the household. No, its not right but its just the way it is. When women started having more "rights" or some would say "liberated" men didnt change wirh us. Now we are expected to have a career, raise the kids and run a tidy ship. End result.....exactly what you stated a tired out woman! Thank you for sharing. Perhaps forwarding your blog to my daughter will bring her some new hope and help her make some decisions as far as career, kids and managing a household.
ReplyDeleteI've been interested watching my daughter in law handling staying at home with her three young children the past few years. She did work full-time with the first two but is now able to "not work." (that would be for a paycheck, of course) Surprisingly, she sounds a lot like you! She is tired, she is anxious for her husband to get home to help, she is stressed, they rush to get to softball on time with all the correct gear, and bedtimes sometimes are way too late.... Soooo, I guess being a mother to young children is just exhausting, no matter what. They just suck the life right out of you. The physical exhaustion you're dealing with will pass, but so will the mushy kisses and adoring smiles, so just keep trying to keep it all in balance. Say no to non-family things more often than you may want, just for a few years anyway. Time for that stuff later. It's just not your turn for a while, it's theirs, but the payoff is worth it. Some day! In the meanwhile, wine, vacations, date nights, friends, wine..... and those mushy kisses will see you through. I promise!
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